Category: News and Views
Who’s that girl on your BF’s Facebook page?
Comments, pictures from old flames and flirty friends can stir jealousy
By Michael Hill
updated 2:30 p.m. CT, Thurs., Aug. 13, 2009
ALBANY, N.Y.—
Alice Connors-Kellgren was surprised by her boyfriend's new Facebook profile picture a few weeks ago: He was kissing another girl on the cheek.
The picture was up only briefly. And she figures it was just a friend. But she plans to discuss it with him when they're back together this fall at Cornell University.
"We trust each other. Deep down, I know nothing is going on. But when you first see it, it's like `Oh my goodness! What's going on here?'" says the college student from Westchester County, N.Y.
All this friending, poking and picture-posting on Facebook can get you in trouble with your significant other. Couples are finding that old flames and flirty friends on the social networking site have a unique ability to stir jealousy and suspicion.
Jealous types now have to deal with brand-new kinds of provocations, such as a comment on their partner's wall from a possible romantic rival, or their loved one getting tagged — identified — in a picture from an old relationship. Boyfriends and girlfriends can view all of this on their partners' walls.
Creating jealousy out of nothing
"It seems like Facebook is creating jealousy even where there was not jealousy to begin with," said Amy Muise, a doctoral candidate at the University of Guelph's psychology department who led a recent study on how Facebook can spark jealousy in romantic relationships among college students.
She said Facebook doesn't necessarily make people more jealous than they would be normally. But all the information divulged on Facebook — those answers to "What's on your mind?" and reactions to those posts — can increase "triggers" for jealousy.
"Part of the issue with information on Facebook is that it lacks certain context, " Muise said, "so there could be things posted on your partner's wall that you really don't know what it means."
The study was based on anonymous online survey data from 308 undergraduate Facebook users, three quarters of them women. The study, published in CyberPsychology & Behavior, found Facebook users can get snagged in a "feedback loop": Their interest piqued by a cryptic wall comment, they become suspicious and start monitoring their partner's pages, thus finding even more suspicious information.
‘Under the surface’
Dan Fi[t z s]immons, a 21-year-old University at Albany student, said he has had to explain Facebook photos to girlfriends in the past.
Samantha Siciliano, an incoming freshman at Quinnipiac University from North Adams, Mass., said she has become jealous over the back-and-forth on her old boyfriend's wall, especially from too-friendly comments like "You look cute."
"If your boyfriend is calling or texting another girl, you can't really see it. But on Facebook, you can see it and so can everyone else," Siciliano said. "So in a way, you do get jealous because he might be hanging his dirty laundry, and not only are you seeing it, but other people are, too."
Colin Booth of West Virginia University said he is not the jealous type, but finds it a strange, modern phenomenon to watch your girlfriend develop other relationships in real time on Facebook.
"It's been happening forever. You're with a girl, she meets a guy, they're friends at first," Booth said. "But it's the way you see it and what you see. And then you think: What's going on under the surface if this is what's going on in public?"
Laney Cohen, a 24-year-old who works in public relations in New York City, has a longtime boyfriend now in law school in Florida. She began noticing last year that her boyfriend was being tagged in photographs with a female friend who "kind of rubs me the wrong way." One picture in particular upset her: The pair were in a bar, and the woman was looking up at Cohen's boyfriend.
"I felt that it was a very couple-y picture to be in, and I freaked out and I called him and said, ‘This is disrespectful to me and our relationship. What if people start asking questions about why you're always hanging out with her?'" Cohen recalled.
This is not just a problem for young people, especially as more middle-aged people get on Facebook. Cohen said her father, after 29 years of marriage, was tagged in a 32-year-old photo by a former girlfriend. Cohen's mother was amused, not upset.
Muise said researchers are just beginning to learn all the ways social networking sites are changing the way couples relate. She cited the case of a young woman who found out her boyfriend broke up with her when she noticed he had changed his relationship status to "single."
For her part, Cohen said she and her boyfriend worked out their photo-tagging issue.
"He's either untagging photos or not showing up in the photos anymore," she said. "Either way is fine."
lmfaoooooooo omg, i could see the problems this could cause. and i've been so guilty of this
Interesting article. Raises some good and valid points.
They have a list of Twittr useson the zone. Why notFacebookusers? Thos things somties hppen, a friend o mine sw her former sistrinlaws boyfriend because the sister-in-law had comented o a friend of my friend's. Whenyo comment, more people can see it. You hav to be careful what you say in public, and Faebook iskind of public.
Boy, I mesed tht up!!! Ohwel, if you red itslowly, you ca figure itout. I don't fee like writing all ofthat again. The articlehas some good points. Be areful what yo write inpublic. I also said we need a lst of Facebook users on te zone, just like we have a Twiter list. Okay, Irepeated it ll I gues.
Forget it!!! My old JAWS won't let me write it properly on here; plus Nrton may be on.
Ok, why is there all of a sudden a hype about this? It's gonna be the same on Myspace or any other social networking site, just be careful what you say and do, and you won't have a problem!
I heard a story about a guy who killed his ex wife after she changed her relationship status to single, and I was like that is just crazy!" What I think is, in this day and age where any information you want is accessible right when you want it, no wonder it's so easy to spy on people and put it to whatever use you want to! So either people need to grow up and realize that the internet is kind of a public place, or just accept that sometimes things aren't what they seem to be, and like the article said, a comment or a wall post can be interpreted 5 different ways, so these people need to communicate with their significant other and ask them what it meant, and hope there is enough trust and honesty in the relationship that they don't have to worry. I mean, I'm sure there are situations when there's a valid reason to suspect cheating, or even just to be jealous, but that's how the media is, they take 1 or 2 such incidents and make it this huge glamorized deal when really it isn't! And on the other side of that, maybe it will be a wake up call to those who do need to watch what they post.
God facebook and twitter really have taken over the world - or should I say the owner's of said sites. lol
it seems like they are blaming facebook for this, like its some evil plot by the creators of facebook to destroy college age relationships. I merely wonder what kind of relationship you have to be in where you'd be jealous of your significant other because of a facebook post. As for the lady with the BF in florida, I'd be more worried about why he didn't tell you about the girl, and not what other people may say.
People these days are too caught up on image portrayal, and not on the substance of a relationship. If someone says my girlfriend was cute, I'd take it as a complement because I'm sure that she is my girlfriend. Why get all jealous because someone paid her a complement? If I saw her being overly flurtacious with another guy, I'd talk to her about it, but to blow it out of proportion like these people seem to be doing is ludicrous. What ever happened to values and communication between the members of a relationship?
seems no different than interpretation of any other text based network or interaction. seems like something else to ster up. imo though
I agree. People are getting crazy for no reason. I think the main problem is communication. If you're so worried, you need to speak with your partner about it, not sit there and wonder and get angry. My bf doesn't even know what Facebook is, but if he used it, I'm sure we'd sit down and talk rationally, instead of bashing each other over something that could just be a missunderstanding.
exactly i have a pic of my ex up on my fb does that mean... lol
just lol.
facebook sucks. that is all.
Post 14, amen!